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I don’t think he meant to. That’s what it seemed when he ended things.
Nevertheless, it does not excuse the fact that it did.
No. Nothing he says excuses what he’s done. It simply explains it.
[ And if she grips Dorian a little tighter she can’t be blamed, she thinks. ]
[ And if she grips Dorian a little tighter she can’t be blamed, she thinks. ]
[ He rests his head against hers and sighs wearily. ]
..I was in a rather similar situation. Before I came South, of course.. [ He lets out a hollow laugh. ] Before my father attempted to use blood magic on me.
..I was in a rather similar situation. Before I came South, of course.. [ He lets out a hollow laugh. ] Before my father attempted to use blood magic on me.
Ma vhenas.
[ She holds him closer, leaning up to kiss his forehead, holding on and offering her unwavering support. ]
Do you want to speak about it? You don’t have to, we can just sleep.
[ She holds him closer, leaning up to kiss his forehead, holding on and offering her unwavering support. ]
Do you want to speak about it? You don’t have to, we can just sleep.
Will it help you?
[ He's willing to tear his own heart out for her sake. He speaks so little of home, while simultaneously speaking a great deal, though saying nothing. ]
[ He's willing to tear his own heart out for her sake. He speaks so little of home, while simultaneously speaking a great deal, though saying nothing. ]
I’m unsure. Is it a worse story than having your tattoos taken, being told they are slave markings and abandoned?
[ She laughs softly. ]
If you want to tell me, Dorian, I’ll always listen. I will always be here.
[ She laughs softly. ]
If you want to tell me, Dorian, I’ll always listen. I will always be here.
I.. no. I don't really know how it compares.. but I loved him. Perhaps the first man I ever gave my heart to.
[ Hah.. ] As foolish a mistake as it was.
[ Hah.. ] As foolish a mistake as it was.
Love is always foolish.
[ Leilani doesn’t stop holding him, careful and gentle. ]
Is he the man that Cole talked about?
[ Leilani doesn’t stop holding him, careful and gentle. ]
Is he the man that Cole talked about?
..The very same. I understand his intentions were good at the time, though I was not willing to allow everyone to see what a wretched man I am by speaking of it.
I don’t think you’re wretched. Dorian...
[ She draws him closer. ]
Will you tell me about him?
[ She draws him closer. ]
Will you tell me about him?
[ Dorian shakes his head and offers a hollow smile. ] No, not yet.
Rilienus was.. is.. [ He sighs. ] Beautiful. His charisma rather puts my own to shame, being with him was like..Oh, like he only had eyes for me in a completely crowded room. As if nothing else mattered and we were the only two people in Imperium. He simply worshiped me, and I couldn't be without him. The only man who was able to keep up with me intellectually, or even hold decent conversation with.
Rilienus was.. is.. [ He sighs. ] Beautiful. His charisma rather puts my own to shame, being with him was like..Oh, like he only had eyes for me in a completely crowded room. As if nothing else mattered and we were the only two people in Imperium. He simply worshiped me, and I couldn't be without him. The only man who was able to keep up with me intellectually, or even hold decent conversation with.
Not ever.
[ But, oh. Doesn’t this sound so much like her own relationship with Solas? A whirlwind, intense and wonderful. Worshipping each other, discussing, talking, living... Tears prickle at her eyes and she urges Dorian closer, offering herself for him to lean on. ]
But it didn’t last?
[ But, oh. Doesn’t this sound so much like her own relationship with Solas? A whirlwind, intense and wonderful. Worshipping each other, discussing, talking, living... Tears prickle at her eyes and she urges Dorian closer, offering herself for him to lean on. ]
But it didn’t last?
Two men loving one another in the Imperium? No, of course it couldn't last.. Not in the open.
[ Which was fine- always in secret and never something that actually meant anything. Dorian has been dirtier secrets than that. ]
He had everything, and was going to take the Imperium by storm. I had to fall for the Magister. You know I've never been able to do anything in half-measures.
[ He falls into silence, brushing Leilani's hair out of her face. ]
No, I had to give my heart to a married man.
[ Which was fine- always in secret and never something that actually meant anything. Dorian has been dirtier secrets than that. ]
He had everything, and was going to take the Imperium by storm. I had to fall for the Magister. You know I've never been able to do anything in half-measures.
[ He falls into silence, brushing Leilani's hair out of her face. ]
No, I had to give my heart to a married man.
Dorian, ma vhenas...
[ There’s no hesitation. She leans into his touch and lifts her hand to touch his. She wants to wrap herself around him but she only has one arm - she feels a little silly and foolish, but she grips him all the same. ]
You deserve better than a man who cannot give you all his heart. You are worth so much more than what the world has given you, please know that.
[ Careful, her hand drops to rest over his heart. ]
I am lucky to know you, to know your heart. You are going to find a man who will give you all the love you deserve and it will make the hurt of the past worth it, because you will be so happy. I cannot wait to see your joy, but until then... Know how proud I am of you, of how strong you are. Know how lucky I am to know you, my friend, Dorian Pavus, one of the bravest men I’ve ever met.
[ There’s no hesitation. She leans into his touch and lifts her hand to touch his. She wants to wrap herself around him but she only has one arm - she feels a little silly and foolish, but she grips him all the same. ]
You deserve better than a man who cannot give you all his heart. You are worth so much more than what the world has given you, please know that.
[ Careful, her hand drops to rest over his heart. ]
I am lucky to know you, to know your heart. You are going to find a man who will give you all the love you deserve and it will make the hurt of the past worth it, because you will be so happy. I cannot wait to see your joy, but until then... Know how proud I am of you, of how strong you are. Know how lucky I am to know you, my friend, Dorian Pavus, one of the bravest men I’ve ever met.
[ Ma vhenas. The phrase hits him like a blow to the sternum, making it difficult to draw breath. There are plenty of things he thinks he deserves, but at the top of that list certainly isn't love, though he wishes it were that way.
Her words sting, and he offers her a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. She's too kind for her own good, sometimes, yet has never seen the darkest part of himself. ]
I-- you are too kind.. [ His voice wavers, and he can't seem to meet her eyes. ]
Her words sting, and he offers her a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. She's too kind for her own good, sometimes, yet has never seen the darkest part of himself. ]
I-- you are too kind.. [ His voice wavers, and he can't seem to meet her eyes. ]
[ Leilani shakes her head, leaning up to press a kiss against his brow. She knows Dorian - this man, the one she left behind in Thedas, all the parts in between - and she knows how unkind he is to himself. All she can do is stand at his side and support him with everything that she can muster, her own hand reaching to touch his cheek. ]
I am honest, Dorian. I will remind you as often as I can until you believe it as well. [ She smiles, thumb stroking over his cheek. ] You are too important not to know.
I am honest, Dorian. I will remind you as often as I can until you believe it as well. [ She smiles, thumb stroking over his cheek. ] You are too important not to know.
For you? I'm certain I can pen you into my horrendously busy schedule.
[ Cyril will hear the sound of a book closing and being placed on a tabletop. ]
Shall I make my way to your quarters?
[ Cyril will hear the sound of a book closing and being placed on a tabletop. ]
Shall I make my way to your quarters?
[ Leilani has missed Dorian horrendously, but there's some hesitation as she creeps her way onto his ship and makes her way to his room. She's got a bottle of wine in her hand and she makes her way through to his room, knocking on the door with a quiet tap tap tap of her knuckles. ]
I brought a present!
I brought a present!
Your wish is my command. I will be by shortly.
[ Once he's dressed properly and made himself presentable, he departs for Cyril's ship. He stops in front of the closed door, rapping on it with his knuckles before letting himself in.
Of course he'd heard the announcement- he didn't know Lumiere, though he had spoken to Cogsworth once or twice. Those two had quite the unfortunate affliction. ]
How are you feeling?
[ Once he's dressed properly and made himself presentable, he departs for Cyril's ship. He stops in front of the closed door, rapping on it with his knuckles before letting himself in.
Of course he'd heard the announcement- he didn't know Lumiere, though he had spoken to Cogsworth once or twice. Those two had quite the unfortunate affliction. ]
How are you feeling?
[ He desperately needs to transfer- the atmosphere isn't the same, and his quarters still seem barren. Of course it's nothing to do with the trappings of the room. It will always feel empty. There's little for him here, and he spends his days much as he had before- reading what was available to him.
The knock on his door has him looking up, and his heart soars hearing the voice on the other side. Naturally, he gets up to answer it, holding it open for Leilani. ]
You know you don't need to announce yourself, don't you?
The knock on his door has him looking up, and his heart soars hearing the voice on the other side. Naturally, he gets up to answer it, holding it open for Leilani. ]
You know you don't need to announce yourself, don't you?
[He lets Dorian in and goes to pour them both a glass of something to drink without even asking Dorian if he'd want some.]
Sad. And that's annoying, because I know my friend would be frustrated that that's the emotion his disappearance brings to mind.
[It says something that he doesn't lie or cover up his true feelings with Dorian. If anyone else, save perhaps Leilani, he'd probably pretend he was fine.]
Sad. And that's annoying, because I know my friend would be frustrated that that's the emotion his disappearance brings to mind.
[It says something that he doesn't lie or cover up his true feelings with Dorian. If anyone else, save perhaps Leilani, he'd probably pretend he was fine.]
[ She slips into the room with a smile, shaking her head as she leans up to give him a quick, gentle kiss on the cheek. The distance between them is... Odd, and new, but she doesn't press him to transfer or make space for her here, not when he's just come back and he's settling into place again. Leilani has no desire to pressure him, no desire to make him feel as though he's obligated.
Not when Bull and Cyril are here and everything is bound to get complicated. ]
I just wanted to make sure you were alone. There wasn't a mark on the door.
[ She's absolutely teasing him. ]
Not when Bull and Cyril are here and everything is bound to get complicated. ]
I just wanted to make sure you were alone. There wasn't a mark on the door.
[ She's absolutely teasing him. ]
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