fantachetic | ic inbox;; drift fleet

It’s good to know I have someone to look out for me when I am being foolish.

[ But, ah. She leans into his touch and hesitates. ]

I’m happy enough. Isn’t that all that can be expected?

You'd do better to forget him, you realize. [ Not Justice, naturally. Of course, the pot is calling the kettle black whether Leilani realizes it or not. ]

[ Closing her eyes, Leilani breathes a soft, sad noise. ]

I am trying. Some things are harder to forget. Dorian… It was so much. I love him. [ A pause. ] Loved.

I am.. quite familiar with the sentiment, I assure you. It is difficult for things to pass when they are uprooted.

[ Quietly. ]

A part of you still loves him. Why else would you want to save him from himself?

Oh, Dorian...

[ She rests her head on his shoulder. ]

It’s not the kind of thing that I can stop, no matter what we might want.

As much of a bastard as he is, we will follow your lead.

[ He readjusts, wrapping an arm around her back. ]

Even if I choose to forgive him?

[ This is more than welcome and Leilani curls around him with a soft, sad sigh. ]

Even so. Pardon me for being unable to, however.

I don’t think you can be blamed. After all that he’s done to us and taken...

He hurt you, it's enough cause to despise him.

I don’t think he meant to. That’s what it seemed when he ended things.

Nevertheless, it does not excuse the fact that it did.

No. Nothing he says excuses what he’s done. It simply explains it.

[ And if she grips Dorian a little tighter she can’t be blamed, she thinks. ]

[ He rests his head against hers and sighs wearily. ]

..I was in a rather similar situation. Before I came South, of course.. [ He lets out a hollow laugh. ] Before my father attempted to use blood magic on me.

Ma vhenas.

[ She holds him closer, leaning up to kiss his forehead, holding on and offering her unwavering support. ]

Do you want to speak about it? You don’t have to, we can just sleep.

Will it help you?

[ He's willing to tear his own heart out for her sake. He speaks so little of home, while simultaneously speaking a great deal, though saying nothing. ]

I’m unsure. Is it a worse story than having your tattoos taken, being told they are slave markings and abandoned?

[ She laughs softly. ]

If you want to tell me, Dorian, I’ll always listen. I will always be here.

I.. no. I don't really know how it compares.. but I loved him. Perhaps the first man I ever gave my heart to.

[ Hah.. ] As foolish a mistake as it was.

Love is always foolish.

[ Leilani doesn’t stop holding him, careful and gentle. ]

Is he the man that Cole talked about?

..The very same. I understand his intentions were good at the time, though I was not willing to allow everyone to see what a wretched man I am by speaking of it.

I don’t think you’re wretched. Dorian...

[ She draws him closer. ]

Will you tell me about him?

[ Dorian shakes his head and offers a hollow smile. ] No, not yet.

Rilienus was.. is.. [ He sighs. ] Beautiful. His charisma rather puts my own to shame, being with him was like..Oh, like he only had eyes for me in a completely crowded room. As if nothing else mattered and we were the only two people in Imperium. He simply worshiped me, and I couldn't be without him. The only man who was able to keep up with me intellectually, or even hold decent conversation with.

Not ever.

[ But, oh. Doesn’t this sound so much like her own relationship with Solas? A whirlwind, intense and wonderful. Worshipping each other, discussing, talking, living... Tears prickle at her eyes and she urges Dorian closer, offering herself for him to lean on. ]

But it didn’t last?

Two men loving one another in the Imperium? No, of course it couldn't last.. Not in the open.

[ Which was fine- always in secret and never something that actually meant anything. Dorian has been dirtier secrets than that. ]

He had everything, and was going to take the Imperium by storm. I had to fall for the Magister. You know I've never been able to do anything in half-measures.

[ He falls into silence, brushing Leilani's hair out of her face. ]

No, I had to give my heart to a married man.

Dorian, ma vhenas...

[ There’s no hesitation. She leans into his touch and lifts her hand to touch his. She wants to wrap herself around him but she only has one arm - she feels a little silly and foolish, but she grips him all the same. ]

You deserve better than a man who cannot give you all his heart. You are worth so much more than what the world has given you, please know that.

[ Careful, her hand drops to rest over his heart. ]

I am lucky to know you, to know your heart. You are going to find a man who will give you all the love you deserve and it will make the hurt of the past worth it, because you will be so happy. I cannot wait to see your joy, but until then... Know how proud I am of you, of how strong you are. Know how lucky I am to know you, my friend, Dorian Pavus, one of the bravest men I’ve ever met.