[ Dorian may be many things, but he's not ungrateful. He knows that when he's given something like this, it would be foolish to turn his nose up at it. She already knows what she needs to, or at least has an inclination- she did meet Halward, after all. When he'd come to the fleet, he'd put forth a lot of bravado, much like he had when he'd first joined the Inquisitor. Dorian hadn't known a soul. Thankfully here, people have been a lot more accepting. Of course, it helps that most people don't know about Tevinter.
Oh how he wishes that hurting wasn't such an integral part of who he is. Growing up where he did and in the family he did, of course it's a lot of what he's made of. With Leilani, he's starting to feel like he doesn't have to suffer in silence. Inevitably he will, but for now, he can simply be. ]
That's not a sentiment many people share, but you won't get a protest from me. [ The hand on his cheek is warm, and it brings a soft smile to his face. Then she tells him what she said and his expression falls. It's..certainly much more than he thought it was, and he's not quite certain what he's done to earn it. He's honored, and it makes his chest swell with something like acceptance or pride.
Being someone's home is..there's a lot of pressure, but it's also a comfort. In the end, Dorian is honored more than words can express. He's quiet for longer than he should, but he doesn't quite know what to say to that. Speechless isn't something that he is very often. ]
[ It feels a little bit like an invasion of privacy, being so aware of his life when he is so unaware of her own. A part of her wants to ask after his Inquisitor - what type of person they were, what choices they made, who they were at their heart and core - but she's afraid to hear the answer. She's afraid to hear of better choices made, of a happy story, of love and romance that hadn't turned to ashes and left them damaged and broken in the end. That's her story, and she wants to keep it, to let that be the truth for as long as she can make it so.
What she wants for Dorian, for all her friends, and what they are being given by the world are two vastly different things. She wants Cole to walk a path that brings him joy, wants Cassandra to soften her own guilt, for Cullen to be proud of himself, for Bull and Dorian and Varric to find their homes again. She's not sure if she has the power to do it, but speaking before she thinks is not one of the things that is going to bring Dorian comfort, she's sure of that.
The apology is on her lips before Dorian even speaks, however, and she shakes her head. ] Ir abelas, lethallin. I should have taken more care with my words. [ Pressuring Dorian into a thought or a feeling that he doesn't reciprocate is not on her list of things that she is interested in doing, and the weight on her chest is painful. She draws back and away from him, closing in on herself, simply because it's easier.
This is the true nightmare of this world, she thinks. Not the monsters or the cannibals or the fighting, that she's used to, but seeing the face of a man she loves who has no idea who she is, only knowing her from the kindness that he doesn't think he deserves. It's unfair, and it makes her want to curse the Creators aloud. ]
Rest, Dorian. Do not think I will let your ribs go ignored.
[ He does the cowardly thing and lets her retreat back into her own space without a word. Perhaps he overstepped a boundary he's not aware of. Dorian shifts, back resting against the cold metal wall with a nod. He doesn't want to intrude on her space, either. After all, she was invited and sought him for comfort and he's being ungrateful. ]
Only if you do the same. [ Sleep will undoubtedly be difficult to find for many reasons, but the one that will keep him from it is replaying their conversation in his mind. ]
[ Leilani feels as though she's doing something wrong and she's well aware she's overstepped her bounds. Shifting, she makes herself as comfortable as she can manage, staring down at her hand and watching the Anchor shift and prickle. Her hand hurts, but it doesn't hurt as much as her dreams, and she's afraid that if she falls asleep here she might wake him up in an unpleasant way.
Perhaps she can lie beside him and rest as much as she can without real sleep. He doesn't have to be aware. ]
My ribs are fine. [ It's gentle and teasing, though, and she sighs, leaning back. ] I apologise for coming and depositing this on you, Dorian. It's not your burden to carry.
Your ribs may be fine, but I am not the one who used themselves as living bait. [ Just a pointed fact, nothing more. He takes the time she stares at her Anchor to inspect it, as well. There haven't been many opportunities, and outright staring is rude. Dorian can't imagine carrying the burden of a mark that wasn't asked for and was slowly killing. Does she fear death, or is it an inevitable fate? He hasn't bothered asking how the Dalish view death, if it matters at this point. ]
..No, it isn't. [ He closes his eyes and sighs through his nose. ] However, you should not have to bear any of it alone. That's what the inner circle is for, is it not? A burden shared is a burden halved. Given our current circumstance, [ He makes a vague gesture meant to signify the Fleet, ] You should take the opportunity to alleviate any burden you're able.
It helped us find where the Vieziri were hiding. I'm not regretting my choice. [ Still, it can't be good for the actual physical ailment on her hand. She doesn't know what to do about the Anchor, the way it flicks and burns, the intensity of it. She knows it's killing her, Solas told her as such, but the idea of actually removing her own arm... She thinks of Cyril, and...
She doesn't want to go down that road, but she doesn't have a choice, in the end. She knows what is waiting for her when she returns to Thedas.
Leaning over, Leilani shifts, pressing herself forward so she can rest her forehead against Dorian's shoulder, resisting the urge to reach for him and not let go. She's terrified, she thinks, that when she opens her eyes he might be gone, slipping from her fingertips, some kind of dream or illusion to torture her. ] I do not want to weigh you with problems that are not yours to fear, no matter how great the burden. I don't want to give you more cause for concern.
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chiming
no subject
Date: 2017-12-02 03:47 pm (UTC)From:Oh how he wishes that hurting wasn't such an integral part of who he is. Growing up where he did and in the family he did, of course it's a lot of what he's made of. With Leilani, he's starting to feel like he doesn't have to suffer in silence. Inevitably he will, but for now, he can simply be. ]
That's not a sentiment many people share, but you won't get a protest from me. [ The hand on his cheek is warm, and it brings a soft smile to his face. Then she tells him what she said and his expression falls. It's..certainly much more than he thought it was, and he's not quite certain what he's done to earn it. He's honored, and it makes his chest swell with something like acceptance or pride.
Being someone's home is..there's a lot of pressure, but it's also a comfort. In the end, Dorian is honored more than words can express. He's quiet for longer than he should, but he doesn't quite know what to say to that. Speechless isn't something that he is very often. ]
For as long as you'll have me, I will be.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-02 05:29 pm (UTC)From:What she wants for Dorian, for all her friends, and what they are being given by the world are two vastly different things. She wants Cole to walk a path that brings him joy, wants Cassandra to soften her own guilt, for Cullen to be proud of himself, for Bull and Dorian and Varric to find their homes again. She's not sure if she has the power to do it, but speaking before she thinks is not one of the things that is going to bring Dorian comfort, she's sure of that.
The apology is on her lips before Dorian even speaks, however, and she shakes her head. ] Ir abelas, lethallin. I should have taken more care with my words. [ Pressuring Dorian into a thought or a feeling that he doesn't reciprocate is not on her list of things that she is interested in doing, and the weight on her chest is painful. She draws back and away from him, closing in on herself, simply because it's easier.
This is the true nightmare of this world, she thinks. Not the monsters or the cannibals or the fighting, that she's used to, but seeing the face of a man she loves who has no idea who she is, only knowing her from the kindness that he doesn't think he deserves. It's unfair, and it makes her want to curse the Creators aloud. ]
Rest, Dorian. Do not think I will let your ribs go ignored.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-05 02:39 pm (UTC)From:Only if you do the same. [ Sleep will undoubtedly be difficult to find for many reasons, but the one that will keep him from it is replaying their conversation in his mind. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-12-05 09:26 pm (UTC)From:Perhaps she can lie beside him and rest as much as she can without real sleep. He doesn't have to be aware. ]
My ribs are fine. [ It's gentle and teasing, though, and she sighs, leaning back. ] I apologise for coming and depositing this on you, Dorian. It's not your burden to carry.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-06 12:30 am (UTC)From:..No, it isn't. [ He closes his eyes and sighs through his nose. ] However, you should not have to bear any of it alone. That's what the inner circle is for, is it not? A burden shared is a burden halved. Given our current circumstance, [ He makes a vague gesture meant to signify the Fleet, ] You should take the opportunity to alleviate any burden you're able.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-06 07:31 pm (UTC)From:She doesn't want to go down that road, but she doesn't have a choice, in the end. She knows what is waiting for her when she returns to Thedas.
Leaning over, Leilani shifts, pressing herself forward so she can rest her forehead against Dorian's shoulder, resisting the urge to reach for him and not let go. She's terrified, she thinks, that when she opens her eyes he might be gone, slipping from her fingertips, some kind of dream or illusion to torture her. ] I do not want to weigh you with problems that are not yours to fear, no matter how great the burden. I don't want to give you more cause for concern.