[ Later, Dorian will be grateful that Bull told him, but in the moment, the news does nothing but sit heavily on his chest and in his mind. Leilani died. She died and he wasn't there. If he hadn't been such a stubborn prat, she wouldn't have been on that damn waystation in the first place- or at least not without him. She didn't suffer long is little consolation.
She suffered. Had bled out- possibly alone. His mind keeps replaying their last conversation together, plunging the knife further into his chest and twisting painfully. Leilani had died angry with him.
The booth that they're sitting at feels too small, suddenly, leaving his skin tingling. He needs to leave. Bull doesn't want to witness Dorian become even more of a mess than he is now, and it's within reach. What he truly needs is to lock himself in that barren room of his and drink himself into a stupor.
His two best friends in the entire world were dead, and he feels so, so alone in a bar filled with people. He glances at Bull as neutrally as he can muster, shifting in his seat and glancing quickly to the door. ]
[ Abruptly: ] I should go.
[ Before the foundations of his facade crack irreparably and he's left horribly embarrassed. ]
[One didn't need years of Ben-Hassrath training to see the cracks forming in that careful veneer of his. He recognized the fear in his eyes for what it was, the realization you're being caught in an avalanche and that you're willing to literally anything to avoid all the falling rocks.
It usually resulted in some pretty stupid decisions. It occurred to Bull it was possible Dorian had never, until this moment, experienced the loss of a friend to sudden death. The other Vint had been his friend, Felix, but he'd had the Blight sickness. Dorian had had time to come to terms with that one.
He reaches across the booth, meeting Dorian's eyes pretty intensely considering he's only got the one eye to stare with.]
Calm down.
[His tone's different, gentler than Dorian's probably ever heard it before.] Take a breath.
[Commanding, but not dominating. It's a voice that's meant to bring order to thoughts that are obviously running rampant through his mind.] Hold it, and let it out slowly.
[ It's a funny situation, isn't it? Someone so close to death, so practiced in its nature and its magic this affected by it. Felix had been on borrowed time, but Leilani? She'd survived so much more before this, and something dead had killed her. Made her suffer. Made her one of them.. His thoughts are spiraling again, but Bull's voice pulls him out of his head.
He manages to look at Bull, and Dorian doesn't expect to find the look that's on his face. It surprises him. Even more surprising, there's comfort to be found, and he actually follows Bull's instructions. He takes a breath, unaware that he'd even been holding it in the first place and does as he's told.
Oddly, it does make him feel better, but he is still fighting the urge to flee and lick his wounds in private. Once he has a little more control over himself, he snaps his hands off the table. ]
[ Dorian doesn't understand why he's being so understanding and nice given the shit he'd just gone through himself. Bull's gentle voice should make him angrier in the situation, but it doesn't.
He just feels tired and wants to leave. Dorian nods his agreement to the suggestion. ]
[Bull nods. It's not like he's psychic or anything, but Dorian's not nearly as hard to read as he thinks he is, either. Not to mention, Bull's mind's sort of going in the same direction. There are a lot of people here.
As for being understanding, taking care of other people in is Bull's nature. He doesn't have anything against Dorian. The mage has proven himself to be the antithesis of most people from his asshole country on more than one occasion, not to mention all the shit Bull knows he's stood up against that most people wouldn't dare.
He respects the guy, but he also understands up until joining the Inquisition, for all his swagger, Dorian's lived a pretty sheltered existence. He doesn't mind fronting for some hard stuff, stuff that's not meant to be drank all at once, two bottles of it actually, and motioning toward the door. Taking care of someone else was therapeutic for Bull in its own right, a comfort in the face of not being able to save people. Again.
Dorian's reaction to this, though, was severe, and it brought to mind something, as they left the bar, that he hadn't brought up with the mage yet.]
So...you knew Leilani a while, right? Is...she from your world?
[That's the only reason he can think he'd be this affected by it.]
[ Dorian follows the cue, getting up and heading for the exit. He waits outside for Bull to join him before heading to the shuttles. His reply to the question is terse, but not unkind. ]
She's not my Inquisitor. I met her when I first arrived here.
[He nodded, making a mental note to ask him who his Inquisitor was but some other time. This Dorian is just like the Dorian he knows, and he wants to keep it that way for now. Familiar is good.
Still, something he'd noted when he'd headed over to the First Breath a few days ago was still unexplained. Mostly because it wasn't isolated.]
Okay, so...what happened? You've looked rough for the past week, well...for you anyway.
We were talking of her relationship and I shared my opinions rather cruelly. She left, and I let her. Pride got in the way, and it serves me right that I lost her friendship.
[You know...he knows the guy can be overdramatic (have you seen him?) but seriously?]
...people fight, Dorian. They storm off in a huff, people get their feelings hurt, things settle down, they talk again, sometimes they apologize, sometimes one does, sometimes they both do. If you were talking about something like that, humans and elves are pretty touchy about that shit, but I doubt you lost her friendship over it.
[He smirks slightly.]
You're both stubborn as hell but you're not that petty. She was...pretty damned understanding. Reminded me a lot of my boss back home, actually. She probably just needed some time to think about what happened...then...shit went sideways. That's not your fault.
[And that is all he's going to say on that, and he shook his head at the latter.]
Yeah, and if we'd been psychic, we could have seen Corypheus was coming before the Templars ever crossed the mountains and maybe all the innocent people in Haven wouldn't have died, either. Are you saying you went everywhere with her? All the time? You can think about maybes all night, Dorian, but the fact of the matter is she went to the waystation. Alone. Just like I did. Maybe she wanted a cheap soda, who knows? You didn't send the crazy undead there, and she wasn't the only one who didn't walk off that station, either. It's not. Your. Fault.
It's not that different, either. No one knew that would happen. [He scoffs.] Hell, I don't think anyone really knows what did happen. I get you wish whatever you said to her hadn't been the last thing, but...sometimes...shit happens, and people die, and you never get to change how. All you can do is learn from it. Don't let it happen again.
[And then they were at the shuttles.]
Your place or mine? My vote's for yours. It's bigger.
We should at the very least find the cause to ensure it doesn't happen again.
[ He can't guarantee that it won't happen again, though it likely won't happen with Leilani again. He knows his tongue gets him into trouble, among other things. ]
Mine will suffice. [ It will be nice to have favorable company, at least. ]
Why would you ever think about something other than me?
[ He knows exactly what Bull means, but he reserves the right to be a bit of a shit right now, also flirting is a good buffer between him and feelings. He hums in agreement about the quality of their liquor. ]
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She suffered. Had bled out- possibly alone. His mind keeps replaying their last conversation together, plunging the knife further into his chest and twisting painfully. Leilani had died angry with him.
The booth that they're sitting at feels too small, suddenly, leaving his skin tingling. He needs to leave. Bull doesn't want to witness Dorian become even more of a mess than he is now, and it's within reach. What he truly needs is to lock himself in that barren room of his and drink himself into a stupor.
His two best friends in the entire world were dead, and he feels so, so alone in a bar filled with people. He glances at Bull as neutrally as he can muster, shifting in his seat and glancing quickly to the door. ]
[ Abruptly: ] I should go.
[ Before the foundations of his facade crack irreparably and he's left horribly embarrassed. ]
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It usually resulted in some pretty stupid decisions. It occurred to Bull it was possible Dorian had never, until this moment, experienced the loss of a friend to sudden death. The other Vint had been his friend, Felix, but he'd had the Blight sickness. Dorian had had time to come to terms with that one.
He reaches across the booth, meeting Dorian's eyes pretty intensely considering he's only got the one eye to stare with.]
Calm down.
[His tone's different, gentler than Dorian's probably ever heard it before.] Take a breath.
[Commanding, but not dominating. It's a voice that's meant to bring order to thoughts that are obviously running rampant through his mind.] Hold it, and let it out slowly.
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He manages to look at Bull, and Dorian doesn't expect to find the look that's on his face. It surprises him. Even more surprising, there's comfort to be found, and he actually follows Bull's instructions. He takes a breath, unaware that he'd even been holding it in the first place and does as he's told.
Oddly, it does make him feel better, but he is still fighting the urge to flee and lick his wounds in private. Once he has a little more control over himself, he snaps his hands off the table. ]
I'm not a child.
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[His tone's the same, though, gentle but not demeaning.]
But I get not wanting to stick around here. There's a lot of people. How about we take a tankard or two to go?
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He just feels tired and wants to leave. Dorian nods his agreement to the suggestion. ]
That would be ideal.
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As for being understanding, taking care of other people in is Bull's nature. He doesn't have anything against Dorian. The mage has proven himself to be the antithesis of most people from his asshole country on more than one occasion, not to mention all the shit Bull knows he's stood up against that most people wouldn't dare.
He respects the guy, but he also understands up until joining the Inquisition, for all his swagger, Dorian's lived a pretty sheltered existence. He doesn't mind fronting for some hard stuff, stuff that's not meant to be drank all at once, two bottles of it actually, and motioning toward the door. Taking care of someone else was therapeutic for Bull in its own right, a comfort in the face of not being able to save people. Again.
Dorian's reaction to this, though, was severe, and it brought to mind something, as they left the bar, that he hadn't brought up with the mage yet.]
So...you knew Leilani a while, right? Is...she from your world?
[That's the only reason he can think he'd be this affected by it.]
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She's not my Inquisitor. I met her when I first arrived here.
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Still, something he'd noted when he'd headed over to the First Breath a few days ago was still unexplained. Mostly because it wasn't isolated.]
Okay, so...what happened? You've looked rough for the past week, well...for you anyway.
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We had a disagreement. I was a bit too honest with her, and she didn't take kindly to that.
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So, you guys had a fight and stopped talking to each other. [Oooh.] You hadn't talked to her, had you?
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...people fight, Dorian. They storm off in a huff, people get their feelings hurt, things settle down, they talk again, sometimes they apologize, sometimes one does, sometimes they both do. If you were talking about something like that, humans and elves are pretty touchy about that shit, but I doubt you lost her friendship over it.
[He smirks slightly.]
You're both stubborn as hell but you're not that petty. She was...pretty damned understanding. Reminded me a lot of my boss back home, actually. She probably just needed some time to think about what happened...then...shit went sideways. That's not your fault.
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[ History has taught him that people absolutely will cut off ties with him for transgressions of this magnitude. ]
Perhaps, but if I'd not said what I did, there's a chance she wouldn't have been there alone.
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[And that is all he's going to say on that, and he shook his head at the latter.]
Yeah, and if we'd been psychic, we could have seen Corypheus was coming before the Templars ever crossed the mountains and maybe all the innocent people in Haven wouldn't have died, either. Are you saying you went everywhere with her? All the time? You can think about maybes all night, Dorian, but the fact of the matter is she went to the waystation. Alone. Just like I did. Maybe she wanted a cheap soda, who knows? You didn't send the crazy undead there, and she wasn't the only one who didn't walk off that station, either. It's not. Your. Fault.
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That doesn't--!! [ Dorian squeezes the bridge of his nose, sighing. ] It's not quite the same thing, Bull.
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[And then they were at the shuttles.]
Your place or mine? My vote's for yours. It's bigger.
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[ He can't guarantee that it won't happen again, though it likely won't happen with Leilani again. He knows his tongue gets him into trouble, among other things. ]
Mine will suffice. [ It will be nice to have favorable company, at least. ]
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[He opens the hatch to his shuttle.] I'll follow you, I guess.
[Or maybe these things were programmed, who knows.]
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You say that as if we both won't fit.
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I'm not that big, but thanks. Aren't these things ship-specific?
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Do they go back on their own?
[Most of the time, he just didn't think about the tech. Then he did...and it got weird.]
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I'm thinking about something more than you. [A scoff.] Shit, I'm glad I bought the hard stuff.
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[ He knows exactly what Bull means, but he reserves the right to be a bit of a shit right now, also flirting is a good buffer between him and feelings. He hums in agreement about the quality of their liquor. ]
Quite.
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