[ He rests his head against hers and sighs wearily. ]
..I was in a rather similar situation. Before I came South, of course.. [ He lets out a hollow laugh. ] Before my father attempted to use blood magic on me.
[ He's willing to tear his own heart out for her sake. He speaks so little of home, while simultaneously speaking a great deal, though saying nothing. ]
..The very same. I understand his intentions were good at the time, though I was not willing to allow everyone to see what a wretched man I am by speaking of it.
[ Dorian shakes his head and offers a hollow smile. ] No, not yet.
Rilienus was.. is.. [ He sighs. ] Beautiful. His charisma rather puts my own to shame, being with him was like..Oh, like he only had eyes for me in a completely crowded room. As if nothing else mattered and we were the only two people in Imperium. He simply worshiped me, and I couldn't be without him. The only man who was able to keep up with me intellectually, or even hold decent conversation with.
[ But, oh. Doesn’t this sound so much like her own relationship with Solas? A whirlwind, intense and wonderful. Worshipping each other, discussing, talking, living... Tears prickle at her eyes and she urges Dorian closer, offering herself for him to lean on. ]
Two men loving one another in the Imperium? No, of course it couldn't last.. Not in the open.
[ Which was fine- always in secret and never something that actually meant anything. Dorian has been dirtier secrets than that. ]
He had everything, and was going to take the Imperium by storm. I had to fall for the Magister. You know I've never been able to do anything in half-measures.
[ He falls into silence, brushing Leilani's hair out of her face. ]
[ There’s no hesitation. She leans into his touch and lifts her hand to touch his. She wants to wrap herself around him but she only has one arm - she feels a little silly and foolish, but she grips him all the same. ]
You deserve better than a man who cannot give you all his heart. You are worth so much more than what the world has given you, please know that.
[ Careful, her hand drops to rest over his heart. ]
I am lucky to know you, to know your heart. You are going to find a man who will give you all the love you deserve and it will make the hurt of the past worth it, because you will be so happy. I cannot wait to see your joy, but until then... Know how proud I am of you, of how strong you are. Know how lucky I am to know you, my friend, Dorian Pavus, one of the bravest men I’ve ever met.
[ Ma vhenas. The phrase hits him like a blow to the sternum, making it difficult to draw breath. There are plenty of things he thinks he deserves, but at the top of that list certainly isn't love, though he wishes it were that way.
Her words sting, and he offers her a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. She's too kind for her own good, sometimes, yet has never seen the darkest part of himself. ]
I-- you are too kind.. [ His voice wavers, and he can't seem to meet her eyes. ]
[ Leilani shakes her head, leaning up to press a kiss against his brow. She knows Dorian - this man, the one she left behind in Thedas, all the parts in between - and she knows how unkind he is to himself. All she can do is stand at his side and support him with everything that she can muster, her own hand reaching to touch his cheek. ]
I am honest, Dorian. I will remind you as often as I can until you believe it as well. [ She smiles, thumb stroking over his cheek. ] You are too important not to know.
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[ She rests her head on his shoulder. ]
It’s not the kind of thing that I can stop, no matter what we might want.
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[ He readjusts, wrapping an arm around her back. ]
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[ This is more than welcome and Leilani curls around him with a soft, sad sigh. ]
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[ And if she grips Dorian a little tighter she can’t be blamed, she thinks. ]
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..I was in a rather similar situation. Before I came South, of course.. [ He lets out a hollow laugh. ] Before my father attempted to use blood magic on me.
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[ She holds him closer, leaning up to kiss his forehead, holding on and offering her unwavering support. ]
Do you want to speak about it? You don’t have to, we can just sleep.
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[ He's willing to tear his own heart out for her sake. He speaks so little of home, while simultaneously speaking a great deal, though saying nothing. ]
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[ She laughs softly. ]
If you want to tell me, Dorian, I’ll always listen. I will always be here.
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[ Hah.. ] As foolish a mistake as it was.
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[ Leilani doesn’t stop holding him, careful and gentle. ]
Is he the man that Cole talked about?
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[ She draws him closer. ]
Will you tell me about him?
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Rilienus was.. is.. [ He sighs. ] Beautiful. His charisma rather puts my own to shame, being with him was like..Oh, like he only had eyes for me in a completely crowded room. As if nothing else mattered and we were the only two people in Imperium. He simply worshiped me, and I couldn't be without him. The only man who was able to keep up with me intellectually, or even hold decent conversation with.
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[ But, oh. Doesn’t this sound so much like her own relationship with Solas? A whirlwind, intense and wonderful. Worshipping each other, discussing, talking, living... Tears prickle at her eyes and she urges Dorian closer, offering herself for him to lean on. ]
But it didn’t last?
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[ Which was fine- always in secret and never something that actually meant anything. Dorian has been dirtier secrets than that. ]
He had everything, and was going to take the Imperium by storm. I had to fall for the Magister. You know I've never been able to do anything in half-measures.
[ He falls into silence, brushing Leilani's hair out of her face. ]
No, I had to give my heart to a married man.
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[ There’s no hesitation. She leans into his touch and lifts her hand to touch his. She wants to wrap herself around him but she only has one arm - she feels a little silly and foolish, but she grips him all the same. ]
You deserve better than a man who cannot give you all his heart. You are worth so much more than what the world has given you, please know that.
[ Careful, her hand drops to rest over his heart. ]
I am lucky to know you, to know your heart. You are going to find a man who will give you all the love you deserve and it will make the hurt of the past worth it, because you will be so happy. I cannot wait to see your joy, but until then... Know how proud I am of you, of how strong you are. Know how lucky I am to know you, my friend, Dorian Pavus, one of the bravest men I’ve ever met.
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Her words sting, and he offers her a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. She's too kind for her own good, sometimes, yet has never seen the darkest part of himself. ]
I-- you are too kind.. [ His voice wavers, and he can't seem to meet her eyes. ]
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I am honest, Dorian. I will remind you as often as I can until you believe it as well. [ She smiles, thumb stroking over his cheek. ] You are too important not to know.