[ Dorian remains silent until Cyril is finished talking, and for a bit longer afterward. He's so thankful to have Cyril, and can't fathom why he's being so understanding in this. Truly, he doesn't deserve it.
He swallows past the lump forming in his throat. ]
I really don't deserve you, you realize. [ In friendship or much else. ] I'm a very selfish man, I've proven this.
[Hearing that legitimately hurts. It's a weird ache that starts in his chest and seems to want to burrow it's way through his entire body. He hadn't expected that being told you were cared for would hurt so badly.
He almost wishes he could have the pain from the anchor back instead.
He'd been so good at hiding any of his own feelings, of just being a friend, of being happy for two people he loves - in his own weird, stilted kind of way.
But hearing that from Dorian just feels like an open wound.]
And I you.
[And he can't stop his voice from sounding very small to his ears.
[ He's about to tell Cyril that his friendship means more to him than he can really express- that he was right in giving the sending crystal to him, but then Cyril speaks those three little words that feel like a punch to the gut.
There's no mistaking the tone, and immediately, Dorian is remorseful. In the moment, it feels as if there's no mending things, that he really has ruined the one thing that means the most to him. It stops him in his tracks, and the only thing that Dorian can manage to get out is ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He swallows past the lump forming in his throat. ]
I really don't deserve you, you realize. [ In friendship or much else. ] I'm a very selfish man, I've proven this.
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I only think the world of you, so I'll have to disagree.
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Says the selfless man who saved Thedas and continues to do so..
[ How do you accept genuine compliments???? Cannot relate. ]
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And that means I should do what I can to ensure my friends enjoy their time here. Who knows how much any of us have left back there.
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[ The joke seems superficial, and he goes quiet again. ]
You realize I care for you a great deal, yes?
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He almost wishes he could have the pain from the anchor back instead.
He'd been so good at hiding any of his own feelings, of just being a friend, of being happy for two people he loves - in his own weird, stilted kind of way.
But hearing that from Dorian just feels like an open wound.]
And I you.
[And he can't stop his voice from sounding very small to his ears.
He hates the way it sounds.]
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There's no mistaking the tone, and immediately, Dorian is remorseful. In the moment, it feels as if there's no mending things, that he really has ruined the one thing that means the most to him. It stops him in his tracks, and the only thing that Dorian can manage to get out is ]
My apologies..
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I've not exactly been kind to your feelings. A better friend would have, I don't know, asked? Or.. mentioned it somewhere between the sex.
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Believe me, my friend. Of the two of us, you've been much kinder to my feelings.
I promise. You've nothing to apologize for.
I'm the one who... [He cuts himself off, though, not really sure that he has the ability to complete that thought.]
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[ They could have this conversation going on loop until they were blue in the face, but Dorian changes the subject. ]
I don't regret what we had, in any case.. and I hope my selfishness hasn't cost me your friendship?
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I should probably let you go now, though. I simply wanted to contact you and discuss this before it grew to be even more awkward.
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[He doesn't feel honest. He feels like he's hiding from his emotions once again, lying by pretending everything is fine.]
But I suppose there is always a first time for everything and you do have the habit of trying to stand out.