[ It feels a little bit like an invasion of privacy, being so aware of his life when he is so unaware of her own. A part of her wants to ask after his Inquisitor - what type of person they were, what choices they made, who they were at their heart and core - but she's afraid to hear the answer. She's afraid to hear of better choices made, of a happy story, of love and romance that hadn't turned to ashes and left them damaged and broken in the end. That's her story, and she wants to keep it, to let that be the truth for as long as she can make it so.
What she wants for Dorian, for all her friends, and what they are being given by the world are two vastly different things. She wants Cole to walk a path that brings him joy, wants Cassandra to soften her own guilt, for Cullen to be proud of himself, for Bull and Dorian and Varric to find their homes again. She's not sure if she has the power to do it, but speaking before she thinks is not one of the things that is going to bring Dorian comfort, she's sure of that.
The apology is on her lips before Dorian even speaks, however, and she shakes her head. ] Ir abelas, lethallin. I should have taken more care with my words. [ Pressuring Dorian into a thought or a feeling that he doesn't reciprocate is not on her list of things that she is interested in doing, and the weight on her chest is painful. She draws back and away from him, closing in on herself, simply because it's easier.
This is the true nightmare of this world, she thinks. Not the monsters or the cannibals or the fighting, that she's used to, but seeing the face of a man she loves who has no idea who she is, only knowing her from the kindness that he doesn't think he deserves. It's unfair, and it makes her want to curse the Creators aloud. ]
Rest, Dorian. Do not think I will let your ribs go ignored.
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What she wants for Dorian, for all her friends, and what they are being given by the world are two vastly different things. She wants Cole to walk a path that brings him joy, wants Cassandra to soften her own guilt, for Cullen to be proud of himself, for Bull and Dorian and Varric to find their homes again. She's not sure if she has the power to do it, but speaking before she thinks is not one of the things that is going to bring Dorian comfort, she's sure of that.
The apology is on her lips before Dorian even speaks, however, and she shakes her head. ] Ir abelas, lethallin. I should have taken more care with my words. [ Pressuring Dorian into a thought or a feeling that he doesn't reciprocate is not on her list of things that she is interested in doing, and the weight on her chest is painful. She draws back and away from him, closing in on herself, simply because it's easier.
This is the true nightmare of this world, she thinks. Not the monsters or the cannibals or the fighting, that she's used to, but seeing the face of a man she loves who has no idea who she is, only knowing her from the kindness that he doesn't think he deserves. It's unfair, and it makes her want to curse the Creators aloud. ]
Rest, Dorian. Do not think I will let your ribs go ignored.