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[ As soon as it's out of his mouth, he instantly regrets it. The look on her face are painful, and he's a terrible person for giving her the reminder that she didn't need. He can't take them back, so it does little good for apologizing for what he's said, even if it was a bit crass. ]
It wasn't your fault, what he did. [ He rubs the bridge of his nose, trying to salvage something of this conversation. ]
I don't think this constitutes as stupid. Risky, perhaps.. but not stupid.
It wasn't your fault, what he did. [ He rubs the bridge of his nose, trying to salvage something of this conversation. ]
I don't think this constitutes as stupid. Risky, perhaps.. but not stupid.
[ All she can do is shake her head. He's not wrong, that's the problem. Justice won't betray her, she's sure of that - it's in his nature to be good, and kind, and honest, even if it hurts other people, just as Dorian is being with her right now. It doesn't make her heart hurt any less, though, even as she waves off Dorian's words. ]
I trusted a man with no name, no proof of his heritage and too much knowledge for it to be sensible. It was my own fault.
[ She pours herself some wine and just holds it for a moment. ]
Everything I've done over the last four years has been risky. I might as well add my love life to it.
I trusted a man with no name, no proof of his heritage and too much knowledge for it to be sensible. It was my own fault.
[ She pours herself some wine and just holds it for a moment. ]
Everything I've done over the last four years has been risky. I might as well add my love life to it.
Yes, absolutely and entirely your fault for falling in love with someone who you thought was being genuine with you and throwing your naivety of the situation in your face..
[ While she is too trusting at times, that's not her fault- it's her caring nature. Of course she was led to Solas like a moth to flame. So like her in every fashion and the trappings of ancient knowledge she'd yet to understand. Did she truly need to know his heritage? He knew so much of it then, when no one else did. ]
You can't help who you fall for any more than I can.
[ While she is too trusting at times, that's not her fault- it's her caring nature. Of course she was led to Solas like a moth to flame. So like her in every fashion and the trappings of ancient knowledge she'd yet to understand. Did she truly need to know his heritage? He knew so much of it then, when no one else did. ]
You can't help who you fall for any more than I can.
It doesn't change the fact that what you said was right, Dorian. Justice isn't going to betray me like Solas did. It's not in his nature.
[ Her fingers circle the glass of wine and she stares at it for a long, drawn out moment before she takes a steeling breath. ]
He's not Solas. I fell in love with a man who told me a dozen times that I should stay away from him. Now I'm doing the opposite, as if that's going to make it better.
[ Her fingers circle the glass of wine and she stares at it for a long, drawn out moment before she takes a steeling breath. ]
He's not Solas. I fell in love with a man who told me a dozen times that I should stay away from him. Now I'm doing the opposite, as if that's going to make it better.
[ Dorian stands, though he moves around the bed to give Leilani a bit of space. He can't simply sit there when it feels like his muscles are electrified. ]
If he's so dissimilar to Solas, then why aren't you letting that bastard go? Why do you continue to carry that reminder of how he cast you aside around your neck?
You'll never stop comparing him to Solas if you don't move on. [ It's a conversation they've had before, but it bears repeating. ]
If he's so dissimilar to Solas, then why aren't you letting that bastard go? Why do you continue to carry that reminder of how he cast you aside around your neck?
You'll never stop comparing him to Solas if you don't move on. [ It's a conversation they've had before, but it bears repeating. ]
[ The words sting, half because she knows he's right - she needs to move on from Solas and she thought she was doing well in that regard - and half because she's furious with him for speaking to her like this. There's an anger that burns under the surface and she puts the glass down, turning to face him. ]
Do you think it's that easy to forget someone like Solas? You met him! I loved him more than I have loved anything in the world, Dorian. I believed that when the Inquisition was over he and I would be able to live together and be happy.
[ Her eyes are definitely filling with tears now. ]
He was the first person I ever loved and there is nothing I want more than to save Thedas and save him with it, even if I know we will never be together again. How am I supposed to just forget that? Just move on? [ She laughs bitterly. ] He changed everything, Dorian. I am trying, with everything I have. I truly am, but it's not good enough.
[ First things first. She downs the wine in one long drink before she finally turns to look back at Dorian, shaking her head. ]
... I think I need to go. All I am doing is getting angry with you, and - and that isn't fair.
Do you think it's that easy to forget someone like Solas? You met him! I loved him more than I have loved anything in the world, Dorian. I believed that when the Inquisition was over he and I would be able to live together and be happy.
[ Her eyes are definitely filling with tears now. ]
He was the first person I ever loved and there is nothing I want more than to save Thedas and save him with it, even if I know we will never be together again. How am I supposed to just forget that? Just move on? [ She laughs bitterly. ] He changed everything, Dorian. I am trying, with everything I have. I truly am, but it's not good enough.
[ First things first. She downs the wine in one long drink before she finally turns to look back at Dorian, shaking her head. ]
... I think I need to go. All I am doing is getting angry with you, and - and that isn't fair.
[ Dorian's arms cross over his chest and he shifts where he stands. His jaw sets as he watches her, wanting to console, but knowing better than to interrupt in the moment. She needs to speak, but the more she does, the more he sees how genuinely he upset her.
Guilt sits heavily in his chest, and regret passes over his face.
He's made her cry.
Of course he has- he's told her he's not a very nice man, and he's gone and proven it by shoving her flaws in her face. She's angry with him, and that makes him feel something he hasn't in quite some time. Instead of doing the right thing, he stays where he is with his arms firmly crossed. His voice is quiet, but firm. ]
I think that's a good idea.
Guilt sits heavily in his chest, and regret passes over his face.
He's made her cry.
Of course he has- he's told her he's not a very nice man, and he's gone and proven it by shoving her flaws in her face. She's angry with him, and that makes him feel something he hasn't in quite some time. Instead of doing the right thing, he stays where he is with his arms firmly crossed. His voice is quiet, but firm. ]
I think that's a good idea.
[ For a long, long moment all Leilani can do is stare at him. Her eyes are wet and she's sure some tears have fallen - she's tired and hurting and she doesn't have the strength to pretend anything else - but she doesn't have the strength to protest.
With Dorian staring at her like this, arms over his chest, head tilted up... She feels hollow, somehow. He's not saying it to be cruel, not saying it to hurt her, really, but it cuts through to her heart and destroys her. Of anyone on the fleet he is the one who knows, better than anyone, how to make her feel as though she's collapsing from the inside out.
Taking a deep breath, she puts on her Inquisitor face (stern, steel, determined, refusing to let any emotion show) before she nods her head. ]
Enjoy your wine.
[ And, turning, she walks out the door. ]
With Dorian staring at her like this, arms over his chest, head tilted up... She feels hollow, somehow. He's not saying it to be cruel, not saying it to hurt her, really, but it cuts through to her heart and destroys her. Of anyone on the fleet he is the one who knows, better than anyone, how to make her feel as though she's collapsing from the inside out.
Taking a deep breath, she puts on her Inquisitor face (stern, steel, determined, refusing to let any emotion show) before she nods her head. ]
Enjoy your wine.
[ And, turning, she walks out the door. ]
[Sometime after the fight Dorian had with Leilani there's a gentle knock on the door. Cyril could have reached out via network, but Leilani had asked him to make sure Dorian was all right.
It's much too easy to fake being all right on the network, as he well knows.]
It's much too easy to fake being all right on the network, as he well knows.]
[ Dorian isn't expecting anyone after his argument with Leilani. No, it was more like beratement, rubbing her face in her own mistakes like his own smell of roses. As soon as she shut the door, he wanted to follow her and make it all right, but his own pride makes him stop. It's likely she'll never want to speak to him again, and he's not certain how to handle that.
It's very likely that even if Cyril had reached out via network, he wouldn't have replied. His focus is solely on getting entirely, obscenely shitfaced in the wake of his own foolishness. He's working his way through a second bottle, sitting morosely at his desk when the knock startles him out of his focus. Or lack thereof. He's not certain any longer.
When he opens the door, Dorian is perhaps more disheveled than he normally allows. His hair is a mess going in all directions, a side effect of running his hands through it as he thought about what he'd done. The pair of sleep pants and sweater at least suggests that he had absolutely no intention of leaving his quarters in his state. Despite his appearance, he puts on a seductive smile that doesn't have quite as much bravado behind it. ]
Cyril? To what do I owe the delightful surprise?
It's very likely that even if Cyril had reached out via network, he wouldn't have replied. His focus is solely on getting entirely, obscenely shitfaced in the wake of his own foolishness. He's working his way through a second bottle, sitting morosely at his desk when the knock startles him out of his focus. Or lack thereof. He's not certain any longer.
When he opens the door, Dorian is perhaps more disheveled than he normally allows. His hair is a mess going in all directions, a side effect of running his hands through it as he thought about what he'd done. The pair of sleep pants and sweater at least suggests that he had absolutely no intention of leaving his quarters in his state. Despite his appearance, he puts on a seductive smile that doesn't have quite as much bravado behind it. ]
Cyril? To what do I owe the delightful surprise?
[ Sex happens to be one of the things that Dorian is best at. He smirks easily, head tilting to one side. ]
Terrible? Hardly. Why deny yourself the opportunity when it's presented to you?
Terrible? Hardly. Why deny yourself the opportunity when it's presented to you?
[Usually Cyril would think that disheveled Dorian was hot, but now it just makes him feel concerned. He manages to keep his expression light, though, too worried showing too much of that concern will cause Dorian to retreat.]
Leilani called me. She was worried about you.
Leilani called me. She was worried about you.
If that was the only thing I thought you wanted from me, we would skip the pleasantries.
[ Leilani's name makes his chest tighten, and it takes entirely too much energy to not let it effect him. Dorian manages somehow, waving his hand in dismissal. ]
Her concern is admirable, but unnecessary.
[ It makes him want to go to her and apologize, but they've moved on past the moment, and he'd only muck it up even more. Instead, drinking until he can't think so much sounds like a marvelous idea. ]
Would you like to come in? [ He moves aside to let Cyril in, draping against the door. A suggestion of more to come. ]
Her concern is admirable, but unnecessary.
[ It makes him want to go to her and apologize, but they've moved on past the moment, and he'd only muck it up even more. Instead, drinking until he can't think so much sounds like a marvelous idea. ]
Would you like to come in? [ He moves aside to let Cyril in, draping against the door. A suggestion of more to come. ]
[ Dorian allows the door to close, following behind and offering the bottle of wine to him. ]
Friends. [ The word sounds surreal to his ears, and it feels like an echo. At the very least, he still has Cyril, doesn't he? Nevermind that he was unfairly cruel and pushed Leilani away. Perhaps he is a few sheets to the wind, but that's what makes the most logical sense to him. ]
Friends. [ The word sounds surreal to his ears, and it feels like an echo. At the very least, he still has Cyril, doesn't he? Nevermind that he was unfairly cruel and pushed Leilani away. Perhaps he is a few sheets to the wind, but that's what makes the most logical sense to him. ]
Hey, Dorian. You've been working on reading stuff in the library, right? Are you just reading the dry stuff?
[Asks the guy who knows nothing about what's transpired between anyone.]
[Asks the guy who knows nothing about what's transpired between anyone.]
[ Oh, thank the Maker in his divinity- a distraction. ]
If by dry, I assume you are referring to academia as opposed to works of fiction?
[ That's a yes. ]
If by dry, I assume you are referring to academia as opposed to works of fiction?
[ That's a yes. ]
That's exactly what I mean, yeah.
DO you read fiction?
DO you read fiction?
When the mood strikes me. Thus far, I have been reading the gathered texts of the different forms of magic throughout the fleet's history in regards to magic of Thedas.
That sounds great.
[And if Dorian doesn't read that as sarcastic, he really doesn't know the Bull well at all.]
So. If you WERE going to read a story, what kind would you want to read?
[And if Dorian doesn't read that as sarcastic, he really doesn't know the Bull well at all.]
So. If you WERE going to read a story, what kind would you want to read?
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